I REFUSE TO BE THIS GUY
(In a club somewhere in the bunduz)
(enter the main character looking absolutely dashing and resplendent in his awesome awesomeness. He is in the company of his two cohorts and also a trio of beautiful young female companions, none of the party are romantically involved in any way whatsoever)
Cool main Character Guy: Yo, Friend, today looks like it will rock ey! kwanza cheki the mamas in that corner, lets go sit there.
Friend: Yeah, kwanza one of them is in our class, sindio Chickpall One?
Chickpall One: Yeah, but she’s such a malaya, I dont like her.
Chickpall Two: yeah!!! si she was the one who was with Nani, Nanis friend and the Other Guy, last week?
Chickpall Three: TOTAL SLUT!!! (insert Naija movie mouth sound)
Friend Two: I’d still tap that.
(A few minutes/hours plus a couple of platonic drinks later, Chickpall Two and Three are busy ingiaring some random guys box, Chickpall One is busy texting Boyfriend Main)
Friend Two: We, si we go fanya that mpango now?
Friend: Sawa, you go for the one on the left and I go for the one in yellow. Cool Guy si uko sawa.
Cool Guy: (does Cool nod)
(Cool Guy focuses on watering his system, Chickpall One angrily puts phone down)
CP One: aki I hate men, sijui how you things think.
(proceeds to go on tirade on how the male species should be castrated and shot
Cool Guy listens like the good friend he is
a few pity drinks later Cool Guy drops bombshell, hints to liking Chickpall One)
Chickpall One: aki sweetie its not ati you’re a bad guy, but si you jua you’re my pal, I don’t want to mess that up by going all physical and shit. (pecks cheek)
(skip a few hours Cool Guy has rebounded and now has a hot mama by his side feeling everything that comes from his mouth. Casanova-mode OFF-[ON]
friends have returned disappointed, Cool Guy don’t notice; he’s getting some tonight *like a baws*)
CP One: Cool Guy jana I saw a side of you I didnt like, how can you go home with that mama?? yani you!!!
Cool Guy: ai, I’ve been scouting that mama since the sem started, jana is when the planets aligned.
(CP One goes into mad female rant about how Cool Guy was supposed to chill with her and keep her company blah blah blah why is he going round with other females yada yada yada)
Cool Guy: but enyewe si you had kataad we bounce home with you.
CP One: yeah I told you we are just friends.
Cool Guy: so what’s you’re problem if another mama gets close, si you have Boyfriend Main. Anyway I saw your point, its easy being just friends, I need chica wingmen for those emergency days lol.
CP One: Hmph!!! I wont even talk to you.
(walks away angry)
Now my question, what is it with females when they lock you up In friend zone, and being the nice guy that you are instead of pushing and forcing issues you accept that and move on (there’re plenty of fish in the sea ei, anyway why is it that they get so mad like rabid
jealous witches. Aren’t they supposed to be happy or something, everyone gets what they want: friendship a Anti-Blue balls activities a Its such a win/win. But NOOOOOOOOOOOO the chick pals never want to see a ninja happy, they want him to be alone…cold and bored, especially when they themselves are stuck in some deadbeat relationship. And to make it worse, no dude has ever put himself in le FrienZone (unless she really ugly and has a bunch of Naomi Campbell friends.
so WTH is a brother to do, wait until all his chica pals are married and having their energy being sucked by a team of little rug-rats they brought forth, then get into the game? Or should you go around hiding the potential girlfriends, wifeys baby mamas? coz at this rate,
I’ll I mean, that guy will end up having so many cool pals with boobies but going home to a jumbo size Vaseline tin (or Nivea when its one of those special days)